My spouse just asked me for a divorce… now what?
You are completely in shock after your spouse just announced they wanted a divorce.
Honestly, you did not see this coming. Things had been tense and off for awhile, but not in any way that felt out of the ordinary from before, you assumed the two of you would bounce back like you had before.
The shock of hearing your partner wants a divorce is overwhelming enough. It’s normal to not know where to go from here, both logistically and emotionally. In the wake of being asked for a divorce, there are lots of feelings and decisions to move through. While the path forward may vary depending on your specific circumstances, it’s important to take care of yourself for the path ahead.
Here are some tips to take care of yourself emotionally after being asked for a divorce:
Build your support system
Navigating divorce will be emotionally stretching, so lean into your support system. Like any hard season, there will be well meaning people who say absolutely the wrong thing. Look for friends and family who have consistently shown an ability to empathize with your feelings, listen to you rather than be quick to advice, and are helpful. As you build your support system, be mindful that different relationships may help in different ways. Sometimes you may need a friend who will sit with you and let you cry without trying to fix it, other times you may need a family member who isn’t great at supporting you emotionally but is amazing at helping you find concrete solutions and resources.
Consider Individual or Couples therapy
You may naturally be considering whether divorce is the right outcome and whether or not you want to give the relationship one more shot of dedicated work with professional help. During divorce, individual therapy can be really helpful in assisting in setting boundaries, coping through the rollercoaster of emotions, work through the grief of divorce, and help you adjust to a new normal after divorce. Couples therapy can be helpful if you’re considering trying to work towards reconciliation in the marriage to avoid divorce. Couples therapy can also be helpful if you are pursuing divorce but need support in coparenting.
Self-Care, self-care, self-care
You can expected to feel lots and lots of emotions throughout this journey ahead, whether you are trying to stay together or moving towards divorce. You need to give yourself space and time to take care of yourself. Regular exercise is a great way to take care of yourself physically while also helping move emotions through your body. Journaling is a proven tool to help identify and release your feelings and express your inner thoughts and feelings. Be sure to get enough sleep and try to keep a balanced diet, coping emotionally is always more difficult if we’re sleep deprived and hungry. Give yourself permission to do things that bring you joy, even if you are sad.
After being asked for a divorce, the road ahead may be messy. But you don’t have to walk it alone.
I specialize in helping individuals rebuilding their life after divorce. Reach out today for your free 15 minute consultation call to get started with therapy in Oakland, CA today.
